I am not home yet...

Last week was such a strange week. Five people I care for lost people they were close to. My friends lost a mother, an uncle, a grandfather and two friends. All of them died of different causes, and all of them were beloved and mourned by their friends and families.

What do you do with that?

I have to admit that I am the worst person when it comes to stuff like this. I never know what to say or how to act, and when I do say something, it never feels quite right. Last week, however, a powerful thought kept returning to me as I heard about death after death: our time here on earth is but a moment – and a short one at that - in comparison to where we will spend our eternity.

So what do I do with the short time I do have: do I look to the future or focus on the past? What?

Dwelling on the past is like falling down into the dirt. Instead of getting up and dusting myself off, I sit there staring at the stains of past hurts and bad choices on my hands, wishing I could change what has already happened but knowing it cannot be taken back.

Focusing solely on the future makes me forget about the here and now. I find myself longing for that sense of control over what will happen next that never, ever comes, no matter how hard I try to find it. The more I search, the more elusive it becomes, until I finally have to admit to myself that this control will forever remain out of my reach.

So where does that leave me?

With today.

With this very moment in time that will be gone in the blink of an eye.

There is a choice to make: to hold on to the guilt and the pain of the past and the apprehension of the unknown, or to spend my time in peace and with joy, knowing that I am flawed but loved, and that I am a part of all of it, good and bad. To know that I am a part of this life that is happening right now, right in front of me.

So I choose to participate. I choose to be present. I choose to live and love as much as I can, because I have no idea how much time is left to share life with those I love who God has placed in my path.

What I do is not just a means to an end. Life here on earth is not the end, but the very beginning of a life that I will ultimately spend elsewhere. My citizenship is not here, but with my Father in heaven:

“In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:2-3

And so, with a smile and a sense of contentment, I come to a realization:

I am not home yet…

Chris said...

Amen!!! We are definitely NOT home yet!!
Thank you for this post!

diane cook said...

Molly, Such sweet words to live by. Full of hope. And the promise of more to come. How could we EVER be sad knowing THIS truth? God bless you for posting this. Only words of wisdom come out of the mouths of those who LOVE HIM. And, you surely do~

Deborah Truesdell said...


How eloquently you have spoken here. I think you have a gift for using words to convey feelings and I believe your words must have been a real comfort to those that needed to hear them. Thanks for so honestly posting what was in your heart!